Honesty is Honestly the Hardest Thing
by xheartoflifex
Summary: All he had wanted was something to take his mind off the fact that Rachel Berry was currently making out with the boy he was in love with. However, this wasn't what he really had in mind.    ::2x14spoilers::    .:kurt/karofsky:.


**Here's the deal. This can be interpreted as an AU storyline to 2x14, or it can be seen as canon. Personally, I think it can be seen as canon, slightly bordering on AU just because of Karofsky's characterization, but that's just me. Also, I love Max Adler/Dave Karofsky, and I think I make it pretty evident in this. I understand that the Kurt/Karofsky storyline is typical bully/victim one, but there's a lot more to Dave Karofsky than a bullying closeted meathead, and I feel that a.) Kurt knows that, and b.) we're being shown the beginning of that.

* * *

**

Maybe the fact that his phone has been buzzing nonstop since he left Rachel's house should be a sign that he needs to pull over. But he can't. He just _can't. _As he swerves into another lane, unaware of where exactly he's driving himself or what he's expecting to accomplish by storming out of Rachel Berry's house party, he can't even figure out what he's feeling right now. There's something locked away right beneath his skin, practically ready to erupt – but whether it's anger, heartbreak, sadness, despair… he doesn't even know yet.

The phone starts buzzing again, and with an angry huff, he grabs it. "What?"

"Dude, where the hell are you? You just stormed out of here without a word after Rachel…" He can hear the tension in his stepbrother's voice, and Kurt knows it's unfair of him to take his anger out on Finn, because one of the only people he's not angry at is Finn, but he just can't help it.

"After Rachel decided to take the only boy I was interested in up to her bedroom? After she kissed him, made out with him, is probably off doing other things with him? After I learned that Blaine had lied to me about being gay? Yeah, I did leave. Sorry that I just didn't feel like sitting around and watching it all with a big fat smile on my face…" he mutters into the phone, taking another turn on the road, pulling to the side of a random street so he can talk to Finn without crashing his car.

He hears Finn sigh, hears shuffling noise in the background, almost like Finn had left the party just so he could talk to Kurt and make sure he's okay. "Come on, man. I know it's screwed up, I saw it too. But don't – don't just run away. At least tell me where you're going…" Kurt sighs, leaning his head against the window, and for just a second he thinks about turning around and going back to the party. It's not to late to try to talk to Blaine, try to work it out with him, listen to his side of the story, and go back to Finn, who seemed pretty worried about him.

That second quickly ends as in the background he hears Quinn's unmistakable voice say "Who are you talking to? You drag me away from the party because you say you need me right now, and now you're on the phone…"

Kurt splutters for a second, feeling like his chest has been ripped wide open. "Oh, I'm sorry to have interrupted your booty call, Finn. I forgot - you of all people should be thrilled that this is happening, considering that Rachel is off your case now, leaving you with as much time as possible to go off and knock up Quinn…" He feels like he can't breathe; his chest is on fire and he can't understand why.

"Kurt, wait!"

"Glad to know you always cared," Kurt spits out angrily, hanging up the phone and throwing it down on the passenger seat. Inhaling deeply, he found himself gripping onto the steering wheel, his eyes burning. No one truly cared that he was gone. No one truly cared that he was hurt, or that he left, or that he needed someone.

And it hurt him. It's not like there was anyone he could talk to about it, because if he tried to go and complain to his father about Finn, he'd be left with the same answer as always – "That's our Finn! Looking out for you and getting the girl all at once!" It wouldn't matter to his dad that Finn had called him as a last thought, or that he had been in the middle of finding his way into Quinn's pants, or especially that the only boy that Kurt had ever fallen hard for was currently playing 'Seven Minutes' with Rachel Berry. And unless Rachel had a secret in her own pants that she'd been hiding from everyone, it meant that Blaine hadn't told Kurt the truth about himself.

So that left him with nothing. And no one. Like always.

As he started his car and began driving again, in the back of his head, he already knew where he was going. It was a stupid move, and maybe if he wasn't so angry he'd have thought this out more, but right now, it was what he needed. There was only one person who could give him what he wanted and make him feel better.

* * *

"Hummel? What the – what the fuck are you doing here?"

Kurt doesn't know the answer to the question himself, so he just ducks his head, rubbing a hand over the back of his neck. Eventually, he takes a deep breath and picks his head up, throwing together some threads of courage to face him. "Look, I know this is weird and completely uncalled for considering that last time I was in the same room with you I got you expelled, but I need some help from you of all people, and I think considering everything, you owe me a favor…"

At this point, he's babbling from nerves and half-expecting Karofsky to slam the door in his face. Which, in all honesty, is probably the best outcome for him in this situation. Instead, Karofsky tips his head a little bit in confusion, before sighing and motioning for Kurt to follow him inside.

It's a bit like entering the hypothetical lion's den, terrifying and invigorating all at once. He's not sure of what's going to happen – well, he has an idea of what's going to happen, because otherwise he wouldn't be here in the first place – but the not knowing of what Karofsky's capable of makes him feel a little… _wild. _So as he finds himself sitting at Dave Karofsky kitchen's table, with Dave Karofsky watching him carefully from his spot against the counter, it's weird and even a little twisted, but dare he say it – he's exhilarated.

"Are your parents here?" Kurt asks, to which Karofsky simply shakes in head in negation. With a sigh, Kurt sits forward in his seat. "I need you to punch me. Hard. And I know you've been waiting to do it, so…just have at it," he says simply like it's not a big deal, crossing his arms against his chest. Karofsky's mouth opens a bit, like he's about to say something, but instead of speaking, he starts to laugh. And before Kurt can stop him, Karofsky's laughing hysterically.

"I don't know what the hell you're on, but I'm not going to hit you, Hummel. I think I've inflicted enough damage for now…" Kurt jumps a bit, looking up at Karofsky. Maybe it's just that it's late, or that he's on the verge of an emotional breakdown, but the combination of the laughing and the smile on Karofsky's face and the insinuation that he may even feel regretful for what he did – it's making Dave Karofsky look less like a monster and more like an actual human being.

"What?" The word jumps out from Kurt's mouth before he can even stop it.

Karofsky shrugs, rocking back and forth uncomfortably on his heels. Kurt can't help but feel that he's looking at a different person than the one he had faced before he went to Dalton. Finn had told him about strange things happening during the half-time show mess, but he had never thought it was something as big as this. "I've already done some shitty stuff. Just because I didn't like the person who I was, I figured it was okay to take it out on you. Everything I sent your way – it was all meant for me."

For the first time in what feels like forever, Kurt can't find anything to say. At least, not right away. But as he shoots up from the chair, anger rising in his chest, he feels like he's missing something. "So… what? You're at peace with yourself now? I'm gone for a few months, and suddenly you're a rainbow flag-waver? There's no ill-tempered feelings you can send my way? No anger or self-hatred that would cause you to… I don't know, punch me? Beat me up? Have your wickedly rough and painful way with me?"

In the beginning of Kurt's rant, Karofsky's smiling again in amusement. But as Kurt continues, goes onto the part where he's desperate for Karofsky to hurt him, the smile breaks in half, and he walks forward to sit in the chair opposite from Kurt at the table. "What happened to you? Because last time _I saw you_, you were terrified of me. And now, here you are, begging for me to beat you up and… I don't even want to think about the other part. Why?"

With a sigh, Kurt props his chin in his hand. Never in a million years did he think he'd be here after a night like tonight. And it's scary to think that he's so close to opening his heart for Dave Karofsky to see his vulnerabilities and feelings and needs and desires. The worst part is that it makes him even more upset; his friends and his own stepbrother can't listen to him, don't really care about his feelings – but here's the guy who threatened his life. He's willing to listen to Kurt.

"I was at Rachel Berry's house party," he starts cautiously, closing his eyes, almost as if he does he'll wake up from whatever horrible dream this is.

"Yeah, I heard about that from Hudson. He told me that she was desperate to get wasted so she could sleep with him and take him back," Karofsky replies, sitting forward a little.

Kurt laughs at that. It's a bitter and dark sound; it sounds completely foreign coming from him, like it's a noise that shouldn't be coming from him. "Well, he doesn't have to worry about that, and he certainly isn't, because when I left, Rachel was making out with the guy that I'm interested in. Which she knows." Once it leaves his mouth, he realizes how overdramatic it sounds, how 'high school' it sounds. He groans, laying his head down on his arms. "God, I'm so pathetic."

He hears Karofsky softly chuckle at this. "Well, I can't really help you with this problem. Berry's always been a bit of a freak. But I still don't know why you're here. And why you're so desperate for me to inflict pain on you…"

Kurt clears his throat, lifting his head off the table. "The sad thing is – is that I'm not really that upset about what happened between Blaine and Rachel. I mean, of course I'm upset. I really liked Blaine, and I thought he liked me back, but clearly he'd rather go for girls who look like the cross between a grandmother and a toddler…" He wants to smile at his own joke, because usually joking about Rachel's fashion sense makes him smile, but he can't at this point, because knowing that Blaine might be taking the clothes that make up this fashion sense off of her at this moment? It just – it's not working for him.

"I'm more upset that no one cared. I was sad and angry and distraught and everyone could see it, but no one _cared_. Everyone was too preoccupied with sucking face or sucking dick or sucking something that no one even noticed I had left. And then once I'm gone, Finn calls me, but he can't even take time out of hooking up with Quinn to actually make the phone call…" His voice is breaking, and he knows Karofsky is staring at him, but it doesn't matter anymore; everything is already out in the open. Suddenly feeling very exposed, he straightens up, runs a hand through his hair, and coughs, trying to make this any less intimate or personal than it had become.

"It was like I wasn't even there. So… I've come to realize that I can only get over my emotions is with matching pain. My mom's death and my issues with my sexual orientation brought me closer to my dad, my feelings of being alone ended up bringing me friends…" The last one is just sitting on the tip of his tongue, and it's like Karofsky knows what's coming too, because he's watching him expectantly. "…and all the bullying I put up with created what I thought was a great relationship with my stepbrother."

At this point, Karofsky is staring at him like he's crazy, which doesn't surprise him that much, considering that he's not far from feeling like it. Slowly, almost like he's calculating every move, Karofsky stands up from the table and walks over to where Kurt's sitting. It's not until he exhales that Kurt realizes he was holding his breath, because he's half-expecting to get a sucker punch from Karofsky at this point… Instead, Karofsky simply stands in front of him without a word, his eyes still locked with Kurt's. "You… want me to hurt you… so you can get over this guy?" Barely above a whisper, when Karofsky says it, it sounds completely insane, but Kurt needs it! The pain, it'll take his mind off of the fact that he's heartbroken.

"Yes…"

The feeling that's settling into the room at this point; it makes Kurt feel almost like he's having an out of body experience. Because as he realizes what's about to happen, he's in disbelief. And even more than that, as he realizes that he _wants_ it to happen, it scares the shit out of him. Feeling strangely lightheaded and only a bit uncertain, he leans forward as Karofsky pulls him to his feet and catches his lips. Instinctively, his first response is to pull away, his lips immediately beginning to twitch under Karofsky's. But Dave holds onto him, moving deliberately and kissing him back. His hands slowly move to cup Kurt's jaw, his thumb running across the smooth skin on his cheek.

With the touch, Kurt backs away, breaking the kiss. Dave's hand is still gently curled against his neck. His mind is telling him that he's the biggest hypocrite (or just a masochist) in the world, because this is what he'd run from in the first place and here he was - back again.

But ever since Karofsky had opened the door, Kurt had felt different. Like maybe there was just that small tiny miniscule bit of him that thought something like this could've happened. It was self-destructive and sick in every way, shape or form, but he couldn't help it. He was a lovesick teenage boy, and Dave Karofsky was the only person in the entire world who had EVER shown any form of interest in him – well, eligible person; Mercedes doesn't count in this one. Granted, it had been a bit too 'Fatal Attraction' for his taste, but once Karofsky opened the door before, it was like seeing a different person than before. Without the letter jacket, it was like he was a real human being.

"You don't need to be hurt even more to get over him. Why should you have to be the one who always in pain?" Dave whispers softly, his breath sending a chill down Kurt's spine.

And even though Kurt knows it depraved and bordering on Stockholm syndrome, it hurts him, because at this point, he feels like the only person who gives a shit about him is the person who once caused him the most pain. He quickly decides which one was more important to him as he throws himself back at Dave, arms wrapped around his neck and fingers threaded through his hair.

Before he can do anything else, Dave's hands are on his shoulders, slowly easing him off, and more than anything else, Kurt's confused as hell and even a little embarrassed. As he looks up at Dave, who won't meet his eyes anymore, he can tell that he's blushing - even in the dim light of the dark kitchen.

"I just – I don't want you to do anything you're going to regret in the morning… especially with _me_," Dave mumbles, looking anywhere except at Kurt. Which is when it finally clicks with Kurt. Fuck, he really must've been coming off as crazy this whole night.

"Karof – _Dave_… I'm not drunk. I'm not even a little bit tipsy…" he defends, and it finally hits him that he's actually willing to go through with this if he's managed to think through a defense. It's not heat of the moment, it's not some spiteful attempt to get back at Blaine, it's not a rebound move… he kind of wants this to happen. "Did you taste anything on my breath?"

Finally, Dave looks up at him, his eyes clearer and darker than Kurt have ever seen them. "Why are you really here, Kurt? Still here?" he asks quietly.

Kurt doesn't say anything. Instead, he just takes a step closer to him, looking up at him and wondering when Dave Karofsky grew a conscience. "Because…" he starts quietly, wrapping his fingers around the other boy's wrist. "Call me crazy, but for the first time in a long time, I know what I want." He sees the corner of Dave's mouth quirk up in a half-smile before his lips covered Kurt's again.

And as Kurt grabbed fistfuls of Dave's t-shirt in his hands, pulling the other boy closer, he finds himself waiting for this to end horribly. For something to go terribly wrong. For the punch that he had been asking for earlier and so much more. But it never comes; instead, Dave grabs onto Kurt, lifting him up with ease to the point where Kurt was able to wrap his legs around the other boy's waist. He can't help but laugh softly at this, because this is kind of how he's always pictured it – never with Dave Karofsky – but almost exactly like this.

Dave drops him down onto his bed, and as Kurt's head bounces softly against the pillows, he pleasantly surprised at the contents of the room. It's pretty clean, almost tastefully simple, and there aren't huge stalkerish posters on the wall of him. After about three seconds, he doesn't really care about that anymore, because Dave's trailing kisses down his collarbone, working at a sensitive spot that Kurt never knew he had – all while working on unbuttoning Kurt's jeans.

_Well then_, Kurt thinks to himself, a smile finding its way to his lips as he leans down to try to meet Dave's lips with his own again. It's still pretty messy, but he'd been expecting that. His jeans are around his ankles and Dave's yanking his own shirt off, and while Kurt's not in the process of pulling off his shirt so fast that he almost rips off a button or being distracted by the fact that Dave Karofsky is currently latching his teeth around one of his nipples, he almost – _almost_ – gets nervous enough to stop. But as Dave continues to drag hot, openmouthed kisses down Kurt's abdomen, the whimper that escapes from his throat reminds him that there's really nothing to be nervous about.

Swallowing any fear he had left, as well as any bit of self-inhibition, he reaches up to palm Dave through his boxers. At this point, there is no turning back – they won't be able to go back to ignoring each other in a state of ignorant bliss now. Kurt had reciprocated… that was all over. Dave lets out what sounds like a groan, which was quickly covered up as he kissed Kurt again.

This was never what he had expected. Not – not in a bad way, but never what he had come to Karofsky's house looking for. Because he'd come here expecting to be thrown around and then tied down for some rough and nasty sex. It wouldn't have been an extremely pleasant first time, but it would've gotten him over Blaine, and he'd leave with enough reminders that through all the pain, he could come out on top.

But as he feels Dave – not Karofsky, but _Dave_ – sliding fingers inside of him, feels him pressing his lips against his shoulder and neck, feels him whisper "you're worth so much more than you think" or "he doesn't know what he's lost" against his skin, he comes to the realization that maybe he's already gotten over Blaine. In fact, until now, he hasn't even thought about him. And there's not even a bruise on him. It's a gamble and a strange gesture at that, but it feels right to Kurt, and as his hips roll up involuntarily, his hand finds Dave's free one, which he entangles with his own. Dave freezes for a moment, seemingly thrown off by the motion.

Eventually, he continues with his own hips rocking into Kurt in a heady, sweaty mess that covered the both of them; finally pulling the smaller boy closer than before and letting chance take care of the rest.

* * *

**Interpret the ending as you wish, my dears. Do they live happily ever, do they go back to the way things were before…? ;)**


End file.
